Dear Mr. J. College,
I go to a school that is about 90% male, and slightly more than half the remaining female population resembles the Boston Redsox. The other half are taken, What can I do to get myself a cute girl at school other than drinking till they're all cute?
Dear Mr. Rick R. Rickterstein,
Those demographics sound like an engineering or aeronautics school. WPI, Kettering, Embry Riddle â€“ those schools all have similar demographics. But let me go over the numbers so I make sure Iâ€™ve got them right. 90% of your school is guys. 5% is girls that are taken. The remaining 5.5% look like the Boston Red Sox. Not a math guy, are you? Maybe itâ€™s not an engineering school after all.
No, about this Boston Red Sox thing. Are we talking Nomar Garciaparra or Rich Garces? Because Rich Garces is a big fat guy, but Nomar is engaged to Mia Hamm, and the thought of a girl from my school and Mia Hamm is pretty cool. Though if she did that crazy batting glove thing in bed, Iâ€™d get pretty annoyed.
I never understood how drinking could make ugly girls cute. Drinking increases someoneâ€™s attractiveness by about two on a scale of one to ten. So while alcohol will make a 5 desirable, all the beer in the world canâ€™t help a girl that looks like Rich Garces. And should you decide to go the alcohol route, make sure youâ€™ve got a keg next to the bed. Because you donâ€™t want to sober up to a middle reliever.
Oh yeah, I forgot to give you advice on how to get cute girls at school: transfer.
Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, â€œThe girls at your school suck at baseball.â€
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