Get your copy of "Dark Side of the Room" now

Los Angeles, CA      San Francisco, CA 8PM& 10PM      Sacramento, CA      Phoenix, AZ     
Louisville, KY      Bowie, MD      Orange County, CA      Indianapolis, IN      Seattle, WA     
Tacoma, WA      Marco Island, FL      Dayton, OH      Ottawa, ON      Toronto, ON     

Unpublished Work By Steve Hofstetter

By Steve Hofstetter

I've been thinking
What do I really do so wrong?
I'm a pretty clean cut guy
I don't drink
I don't smoke
I don't do drugs
I don't cut, steal, kill anyone
Quite frankly, except for the fifth commandment, I'm a pretty law abiding guy
So why do I get screamed at?
Why can't I get through my house without hearing
"Steven get these dishes done!"
Maybe if I wasn't so good, she'd leave me alone
Maybe if I smoked or drank, or something,
She'd find it a lost cause, and forget about me
"Hey-I'll trade you a cigarette and a dime bag for a load of dishes."
"Throw in a C average and you've got yourself a deal."
Maybe she does it because she's afraid I'll turn out like she thinks my dad is
Maybe I do it because I'm afraid I'll turn out like her
Well, I won't change
I'll never clean up my room, only take out the garbage when it conveniences me,
And become a famous sports writer, who's rich enough to pay someone else to leave the dishes on the counter

More Unpublished Work:
*Souvenir (2006)
*How to Stop Being a Clod (2005)
*Long Live the Little Guy (2005)
*I am a Standup Comedian (2004)
*Red Eyes on the Red Eye (2004)
*Twas The Night Before Inauguration (2004)
*Jeez (2004)
*Confusion of State (2002)
*Relapse (2002)
*Cross (2002)
*Global Village (2002)
*Jerry Seinfeld Interviews John Rocker (2002)
*Girlfriend (2002)
*Right of Way (2002)
*Review of My Own Novel (2002)
*Olympic Interlude (2002)
*Botanical Gardens (2002)
*Daddy’s Little Girl (2002)
*Hit (2002)
*Tuning In (2002)
*Be-holding Dad (2002)
*So Long (2002)
*Just a Game? The tragic story of Donnie Moore (2002)
*Tricked Magic (2001)
*Farce and Losing in Atlantic City (2001)
*Keep Our City Clean: Leave Sheffield in LA (2001)
*Saving Silverman: Brain Not Necessary (2001)
*Shadow and Acting (2001)
*II (2001)
*AOHell (2001)
*Primary Day (2001)
*72nd Street (2001)
*Papa Needs a New Pair of Shoes (2001)
*A Brief History of the Jew in the American College Fraternity (2001)
*Just Another Brick in the Wall: The Amsterdam News & Jackie Robinson (2001)
*Steps (2000)
*She is Somewhere (2000)
*Word Play (2000)
*100 Things You Need To Know For College (2000)
*Bad Day (1999)
*Don’t Make Your Title Too Long, and Other Common Mistakes (1997)
*Can’t Beat the Real Thing (1997)
*Baseball Fans of the 80s (1997)
*My High School Graduation Speech (1997)
*Sarah Lawrence College Essay - Accepted (1996)
*Aoo (1996)
*Haze (1996)
*The Cave-in (1996)
*The Lost Epsisode of Seinfeld (1996)
*Seinfeld: The Poison Pickle (1996)
*My House is a Very Very Very Fine House (1995)
*1973 (1995)
*Humor Runs in the Family (1995)
*Don't Quit (1995)
*Be Careful What You Wish For, It May Never Happen (1995)
*Ode to Seinfeld (1995)
*Memoir (1994)
*Jefferies at the Bat (1994)
*Ode to a Void (1994)
*Balls (1994)
*Balls II (1994)