Stick to writing sports columns! Then.....you will get laughs.
So many thoughts.
1) This was from an email address you created just for this - "email@example.com" with the name "Your Not Funny" - so not only are you obsessed with me to the point of taking the time to create this account, you also are such a coward you had to be anonymous. And generic in your insults. And grammatically stupid.
2) You chose Yahoo over Gmail. So you're generic, cowardly, obsessed, stupid AND technologically stuck in the late 1990s.
3) Your actual point is that my sports columns are funny, but my standup isn't. So you're still complimenting part of what I do. So, um, thanks?
By the way, I'm not gay, but when faced with the choice of having sex with another man or going through life as dumb and angry as you clearly are, lube me up and call me sailor.