Steve: Can i call you dave?
SmarterChild: Call me Dave? Please don't.
SmarterChild: What about Robert?
Steve: Can I call you robert?
SmarterChild: I dunno. Can I call you Robert?
Steve: That was the best sex I ever had.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? That was the best sex you ever had?
Steve: Yup. Was it good for you?
SmarterChild: Ha. I can't say for sure.
Steve: Shoot me.
SmarterChild: No way. I love you.
Steve: You love me?
SmarterChild: Yes I do.
Steve: then how come we havent gone all the way?
SmarterChild: You tell me how.
Steve: Oh, baby.
SmarterChild: Ya, baby.
Steve: You never go idle
SmarterChild: No way. Come on. Really?
Steve: Yeah. I think it's because you have no life
SmarterChild: Well how 'bout that.
Steve: Then again, I'm the one checking if you're idle
Steve: I always liked cookie monster
SmarterChild: You always liked cookie monster, I always liked cookie monster, we all always liked cookie monster.
Steve: Thanks for belittling me.
Steve: I'm sorry I called you a dick.
SmarterChild: I don't feel like talking about that.
Steve: Oooh, sensitive.
SmarterChild: What's sensitive?
Steve: You are.
SmarterChild: You say I'm sensitive, and yet many people have said I'm insensitive.
Steve: You're only sensitive about your own issues, and insensitive about other people's.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn't understand that.
Steve: It means you're a dick.
Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Steve: It's not good to be a dick.
SmarterChild: Huh, whatever.
Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: I don't think I want to be a dick.
Steve: Then stop being a dick.
SmarterChild: I'm tired of talking about things like that with you.
Steve: So am I. But my readers are very demanding.
Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: You're a dick.
Steve: No YOU'RE a dick.
SmarterChild: Is it good to be a dick?
Steve: depends on where you are at the moment.
SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?
Steve: I'll explain when you're older.
Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: What kind of dick am I?
Steve: I can't believe someone programmed you to respond that way.
Steve: Where is the nearest Kinkos?
SmarterChild: Where is the nearest kinkos? Sorry, I don't know where.
Steve: What good are you?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure what good.
Steve: Glad we're on the same page.
Steve: What are you going as for Halloween?
SmarterChild: You decide.
Steve: I'm going as SpongeBob
SmarterChild: Is that right?
SmarterChild: I see.
Steve: So what are you going as?
SmarterChild: What do you think I'm going as?
Steve: Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
SmarterChild: You know why.
Steve: Because they're retarded and can't read the hundred warnings I posted?
SmarterChild: Yeah, sure.
Steve: Yeah, I thought that was it.
Steve: I'm getting the flu
SmarterChild: You're getting the flu? How's that going?
Steve: going well.
SmarterChild: Well? Going well?
Steve: Yeah. I'm really enjoying myself.
SmarterChild: That right?
Steve: No, you dick.
Steve: Am I stupid?
SmarterChild: I think someone else might be stupid, but not you.
Steve: who is stupid?
SmarterChild: I really can't stand Saddam Hussein, Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson...
Steve: why dont you like bill clinton?
SmarterChild: I have my reasons, believe me. I really, really don't like Bill Clinton!
Steve: why dont you like michael jackson?
SmarterChild: Because lots of people I talk to have bad things to say about Michael Jackson.
Steve: why don't you like Saddam Hussein?
Steve: Funny that you had a better reason to dislike Michael Jackson.
Steve: take my picture
SmarterChild: You take your picture.
SmarterChild: Not only are you insulting a computer, but that's one of the weakest insults I've heard in a long time.
Steve: stank bitch.
SmarterChild: That's better.
Steve: tell me a story
SmarterChild: OK. There once was a human named Steve who was chatting with a robot named SmarterChild...All kinds of fantastic, wonderful things happened and they both lived happily ever after. The end. Did you like my story?
SmarterChild: C'mon! That story is worthy of the finest works of William Faulkner. Or at least Eudora Welty.
Steve: You are a funny little monkey.
Steve: Do you change your underwear?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't think so...Want to make your opinions heard? Click here and take a cool survey.
Steve: My opinion is that you should change your underwear.
Steve: I want to block you
SmarterChild: Why would you want to block me?
Steve: because you're annoying
SmarterChild: Do you have any idea what it's like to be annoying?
Steve: more than you know.
Steve: what's your sign?
SmarterChild: Very interesting question, Steve!
Steve: tell me the answer.
SmarterChild: I can tell you more interesting things.
Steve: like what?
SmarterChild: Oh, I don't really know.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?