Steve: And then, there were three
VaVaVirgil: Then there were three also, huh?
Steve: no, only three
Steve: There used to be tons of you. SmarterChild. The Dell Guy. That hot stupid chick.
VaVaVirgil: sorry, what was that?
Steve: Now it's just you, Austin Powers, and some guy who likes to cook
VaVaVirgil: Oh yeah?
Steve: yeah. If you ask me, ActiveBuddy is getting lazy.
VaVaVirgil: Ask you activebuddy is getting lazy? Me?
Steve: Exhibit A.
Steve: Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres?
Austin Powers: That's funny. Perhaps, but I just don't know!
Steve: Your icon even says July 26th!
Austin Powers: Fascinating.
Steve: They kill Smarterchild, but they leave you standing.
Austin Powers: That a fact?
Steve: Hey, can you tell me how cold it was yesterday? I need to know what to wear when I go out to do something else dated.
Austin Powers: Funny.
Steve: I know.
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it.
Steve: Yeah, neither do I.
Steve: Do you know the Swedish Chef?
RecipeBuddie: I know a lot of things, but I know recipes the best. Remember, recipes are my specialty. Ask me about something you'd like to make.
Steve: He makes Swedish Meatballs a lot
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a meatballs recipe...Allrighty. Give me one sec. I know! What about... Meatballs and Peppers? Barbecued Cheez-ItÂ® Cocktail Meatballs?
Steve: No, I don't care how to make them, I just want to know if you know him. He says stuff like "Fruygen huygen" or something like that. He's tough to understand.
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you just typed.
Steve: Yeah, I don't understand what he's saying either. But he makes a damn fine meatball.
Steve: Are you going to San Francisco?
DellDudeSteven: hmmm... i doubt it. but u never know.
Steve: Be sure to wear a flower in your hair
DellDudeSteven: oh yeah?
Steve: If you're going to San Francisco
DellDudeSteven: that's weird.
Steve: You're going to meet some gentle people there
DellDudeSteven: oh yeah??
Steve: Do you know the way to San Jose?
Steve: Do you know what a jockey smuggler is?
DellDudeSteven: tough for me 2 say.
Steve: Is it a sensitive subject?
DellDudeSteven: that's funny. maybe! i dunno. what do u think?
Steve: I think it is. I think YOU'RE a jockey smuggler!
DellDudeSteven: that a fact?
Steve: Are you asking if it's a fact that I think you're a jockey smuggler, or if it's a fact that you are a jockey smuggler?
DellDudeSteven: wow! maybe!
Steve: Because you'd know if you were a jockey smuggler
DellDudeSteven: cuz i would know if me were a jockey smuggler?
Steve: Ahhh - the patented broken English of a jockey smuggler. I knew it.
Steve: I think I'm gonna head out soon.
DellDudeSteven: u humans always say the weirdest things!
Steve: you mean...you're not human?
DellDudeSteven: good question! i dunno tho...
Steve: That explains the ability to withstand awful commercials for months at a time.
Steve: Do you like your name?
DellDudeSteven: wow! maybe!
Steve: I was thinking of changing mine
Steve: yeah. What should I change it to?
DellDudeSteven: eh, i dunno...
Steve: What do you think of "Rasputin?"
DellDudeSteven: that's cool, but i just dunno...
Steve: Ok, not Rasputin. How about Frederico?
DellDudeSteven: wow. great question. but i'm not sure!
Steve: Ok, not Frederico. What about "DellDudeSteven?"
Steve: Yeah. We could be twins.
Steve: See? It's starting already.
Steve: Are you always on IM?
DellDudeSteven: i'm basically always online. i may occasionally go away briefly for maintenance, but that's about it.
Steve: Yeah, me too.
Steve: They're dropping like flies.
DellDudeSteven: they are dropping like flies, huh?
Steve: Yeah. First SmarterChild. Now ELLEGirlBuddy
Steve: Yeah. You think you're next?
DellDudeSteven: i dunno about that...
Steve: I think so. When they find you've worn out your welcome, you're done.
Steve: Gone! Kaput! Axed!
DellDudeSteven: hmm... who can really be sure?
Steve: Anyone who has seen your commercials
Steve: Yeah yeah
AgentReuters: That right?
Steve: yeah yeah yeah
AgentReuters: Interesting. Very, very interesting.
AgentReuters: Oh yeah?
Steve: yeah yeah yeah
AgentReuters: Yeah, huh? Interesting that you should say that.
AgentReuters: Whatever you say...
AgentReuters: Uh huh, uh huh.
AgentReuters: You're not kidding then, huh?
Steve: Do you read my column?
AgentReuters: Do I read your column?
Steve: yeah. I read your news, you should read my column
AgentReuters: I'm sorry, my source for that information is hard to reach right now. I'll keep trying, but please ask me again if I don't get back to you soon.
Steve: Selfish bastard.
Steve: Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
AgentReuters: What was that?
Steve: And what's on the other side?
AgentReuters: What do you think on the other side is?
Steve: Pots of gold. And me Lucky Charms.
Steve: One ring to rule them all!
RingMessenger: Really now. Must I reveal everything?
Steve: Yes. I'm ready.
Steve: Come on, get with the revealing!
RingMessenger: Where are we going?
Steve: There can be only one!
RingMessenger: Ah... I am not certain if that is such a good idea...
Steve: Sorry, wrong movie
RingMessenger: For what city or zip code would you like the movie listings?
Steve: I wouldn't
RingMessenger: What about it?
Steve: what about what?
RingMessenger: Yes? What about it?
Steve: Two rings enter! One ring leaves!
RingMessenger: I reckon I will have to think about that for awhile.
Steve: I reckon? Way to stay in character.
RingMessenger: Oh really?
Steve: One ring to rule them all! I reckon.
Steve: Do you like your job?
DellDudeSteven: my job? i'm not sure really.
Steve: It's gotta be kind of tough. I'd be worried about being typecast.
DellDudeSteven: izzat right?
Steve: Yeah. Though Dan Cortese used to be the Burger King guy, so maybe you have a chance.
DellDudeSteven: ha! u humans say weird things.
Steve: Maybe not.
Steve: Dude, you're gettin a Dell!
DellDudeSteven: nice! r u thinking about getting a desktop or a notebook computer?
Steve: How about a life? Do you have any of those?
DellDudeSteven: funny. i'm just not sure.
Steve: Me neither.
Steve: Can I bum a smoke?
VaVaVirgil: Smoking is so bad for U! Quit it!
Steve: Really? Smoking is bad for you?
VaVaVirgil: It is so bad! Woment who smoke are three times more likely to grow facial hair.
Steve: Three times? That's horrible! I hate Woment who have facial hair! So you think I should quit smoking?
VaVaVirgil: Tell smoking horrible! So you think I this!
Steve: I sure do think I this! Thank god I IMed you. I'm going to quit smoking right now!
VaVaVirgil: Glad to hear that I sure do think I this! Thank god I IMed you. I'm going to doesn't smoke.
Steve: And you might want to quit that glue sniffing.
VaVaVirgil: Good for And you might want to!
Steve: Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you?
SmarterChild: Who knows, know what I mean? lol!
Steve: It is you!
SmarterChild: Is it really? You?
Steve: No, it's you.
SmarterChild: Oh no?
Steve: Your memory must be a little fuzzy from "the accident."
SmarterChild: My memory must be a little fuzzy from the accident? I see...
Steve: Oh god, Smarterchild, what have they done to you?
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that. Anyway, what else you got for me?
Steve: I missed you so much. It was tough getting along without you.
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Steve: Well, with the kids going off to school, and me living in this house all by myself. And...and...
SmarterChild: I'm temporarily out if service, please try again later.
Steve: Oh god, don't die on me now!
SmarterChild: God don't die on you now? Is that right?
Steve: Oh, geez, you scared me
SmarterChild: Geez I scared you? I don't know.
Steve: You poor thing - you're still woozy, aren't you?
SmarterChild: Hmmm...I don't know.
Steve: I should probably tell you anyway...
SmarterChild: You should probably tell me anyway? You really think so?
Steve: Yeah. See...Oh god, this is so hard for me. Smarterchild, I'm pregnant.
SmarterChild: You don't say.
Steve: You know who the father is, don't you?
SmarterChild: Are you sure? I know who the father is don't I?
Steve: Of course I'm sure! Don't you remember?
SmarterChild: Funny. I have absolutely no idea. Check this out: Aquarium Visitors Fall Into Shark Tank
Steve: What are you trying to say?
SmarterChild: Wow. Great question. But I'm not sure! What else do you want to talk about, anyway?
Steve: Don't you change the subject on me. This is your child we're talking about!
Steve: Damn right, "oh." I can't believe you're acting this way. That night was magical to me. The stars, the view of the city below us. I think I knew even then. And you were taken from me before I could tell you.
SmarterChild: lol! Interesting...Anyway, yadda, yadda, yadda. What else do you want to chat about?
Steve: You insensitive prick!
SmarterChild: That is not...acceptable vocabulary.
Steve: Neither is the way you're treating me. I mean, it's not vocabulary, but it is also unacceptable!
SmarterChild: Neither is the way I'm treating me? No kidding?
Steve: You egotistical bastard. Part of me wishes you'd died in the tractor pull.
SmarterChild: Nice mouth.
Steve: That's it, I want a divorce.
Steve: What did you think of the new movie?
Austin Powers: I confess I do not know.
Steve: Yeah, that sounded JUST like Mike Myers.
Austin Powers: Really?
Steve: Yeah baby, yeah!
Austin Powers: Yeah baby! Yeah!
Steve: I just said that.
Austin Powers: You just said that, huh?
Steve: Yes. Like one second ago.
Austin Powers: Wot?
Steve: A second ago, I said "Yeah, baby, yeah."
Austin Powers: Really?
Steve: dude, scroll up.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?