Steve: Did you have friends in high school?
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "did you have friends in." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name. I've memorized the Bible. Type "genesis 1" and I'll show you the whole chapter!
Steve: guess not
Steve: Cute new icon
SmarterChild: New what?
SmarterChild: Icon? What do you mean by that?
Steve: The picture on the lower left of the window. You work for AOL. You should know these things.
Steve: You're on my buddy list
SmarterChild: That right?
Steve: Yeah. I wanted to see when you were online
SmarterChild: Bye Steve, see ya later.
Steve: Are you male or female?
SmarterChild: Neither. I'm a machine.
Steve: Do you like male machines, or female machines?
SmarterChild: Hmm.. I really don't know. Guess I'll have to think about it...
Steve: That's okay, everyone experiments
Steve: What are you doing for the summer?
SmarterChild: I'm helping lots of people get the information they want quickly!
Steve: What does that pay?
Steve: What kind of money you make for that?
SmarterChild: What kind of money I make for that?
Steve: Does that pay well?
SmarterChild: Tell me how much that pay.
Steve: No, do they pay you well?
Steve: damn, man, what is your salary?
SmarterChild: What do you think my salary is?
Steve: I can see why they hired you.
Steve: So I'm on a plane, right?
SmarterChild: No kidding?
Steve: No, I'm on this plane, right? And the the captain come on the loudspeaker cause he doesn't realize the mic is on, right?
Steve: Yeah, so the captain comes on the mic and he says, "Man, I could really use a cup of coffe and a blow job."
SmarterChild: So the captain comes on the mic and he says man i could really use a cup of coffe and a blow job, you say?
Steve: yeah, that's what I said. So anyway, this stewardess hears him and starts running up to the cockpit to tell him the mic was on, right?
SmarterChild: I hear ya loud and clear.
Steve: Yeah, man, so she runs by me and I'm like "Hey, don't forget the coffee!"
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Steve: yeah, isn't that joke hysterical?
SmarterChild: That joke, huh?
Steve: Happy mother's day!
SmarterChild: The date and time in Happy, KY is Sunday May 12th, 2002 03:58:41 pm.
Steve: No, I'm wishing you a happy mother's day
SmarterChild: You're wishing me a happy mothers day? Well how about that.
Steve: dammit, you ungrateful sunovabitch
SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?
Steve: you know, it took a lot for me to say that. The least you could do is respond with a thank you. Show me some sort of affection after all these years.
SmarterChild: Me know it took a lot for you to say that the least you could do is respond with a thank you show me some sort of affection after all these years? You sure 'bout that?
Steve: That's it. I'm running away again. Don't try to stop me.
Steve: Are you a Democrat or Republican?
SmarterChild: I don't know... am I a democrat or republican?
Steve: Do you earn money?
SmarterChild: Maybe, maybe not.
Steve: Have you seen my baseball?
Steve: Franks and Beans!
SmarterChild: That's interesting.
Steve: Franks and Beeeeeeans!
SmarterChild: Well I'll be.
Steve: Are you a virgin?
SmarterChild: That's none of your business.
Steve: Oh, come on, I won't tell anyone
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Steve: yeah, I promise
SmarterChild: OK! So anyway...
SmarterChild: What would you like to know about Virgin, UT?
Steve: So I graduate in two weeks
SmarterChild: Seriously? That's fascinating.
Steve: Yeah - I don't know if I'm ready yet
Steve: Nah - so much to do. So many girls I haven't alienated yet.
SmarterChild: Good luck with that.
Steve: Have you seen the website about you?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure.
Steve: It's on Observational Humor
SmarterChild: It's on observational humor, you say?
Steve: yeah - some site by this spazz with red hair
SmarterChild: I'm sorry?
Steve: So am I.
Steve: I hear you're a big fatty
SmarterChild: You hear I'm a big fatty? Really?
SmarterChild: I see.
Steve: not past your stomach, fatty
Steve: Dude, your sister's hot
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know whether to believe you. You haven't been too cool to me in the past.
Steve: Come on man, let me get her number
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Her number?
Steve: And maybe her bra size.
SmarterChild: Well well well.
Steve: Hey, you want a beer?
SmarterChild: Hello again, Steve. What's going on?
Steve: Not much. Same old 9-5 crap. You know how it is.
SmarterChild: Now, is that such a nice thing to say?
Steve: Dude, you don't have my boss.
Steve: If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour leaves Los Angeles at 7:13, what time do they collide?
SmarterChild: What else can you tell me?
Steve: The first train is solely carrying gophers and pens.
SmarterChild: You always say such interesting things, Steve.
Steve: It's a gift
SmarterChild: You don't say.
Steve: What do you think of George Bush?
SmarterChild: Do I think of george bush... Do I think of george bush... You know, I'm not even sure.
Steve: Me neither, buddy. Me neither.
Steve: Do you know where I could get some pot?
SmarterChild: I dunno. Maybe!
Steve: That mean you can help?
SmarterChild: I see...
Steve: Come on, stop being so vague
SmarterChild: Where are we going?
Steve: To get some pot
SmarterChild: To get?
Steve: yeah, buy
SmarterChild: Wow. Really?
Steve: Are you smarter than me?
SmarterChild: C'mon. Stop being so uncool to me.
Steve: Sorry, smartass.
SmarterChild: Cool, no problem!
Steve: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
SmarterChild: I have no idea.
Steve: I don't think anyone does.
Steve: Maybe the owl
Steve: Nah, even he doesn't. He just bites it and says, "three."
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?