Steve: They killed SmarterChild!
AgentBaseball: Oh really?
Steve: Yes! This afternoon!
AgentBaseball: Yup!
Steve: What? You're happy about this?
AgentBaseball: Wow, that's interesting... I just don't know!
Steve: And you call yourself a buddy.
Steve: Hey, you still awake?
SmarterChild: Hello. What would you like to do? Here, amuse yourself with this: Sex, Whips and Chains Grounds for Divorce? (from Reuters.com)
Steve: They're only grounds for divorce if you use em wrong! lol
SmarterChild: What's so funny? :-)
Steve: I dunno, you sent me that whip story like right away
SmarterChild: Laughter is the best medicine.
Steve: It sounded like you wanted more than laughter
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Steve: yeah. You don't have to be up early, do you?
SmarterChild: No
Steve: me neither
SmarterChild: Neither? What do you mean by that?
Steve: Um, it means also
SmarterChild: ?
Steve: Sometimes it's a good thing you're hot
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't get it... please try asking me a different way.
Steve: Ok. You wanna just come over?
SmarterChild: Oh?
Steve: yeah - or you want me to come by?
SmarterChild: I dunno.
Steve: Come on - for old times sake?
SmarterChild: Where are we going?
Steve: Everywhere, baby
SmarterChild: Yeah, baby.
Steve: Be over in five.
Steve: Do you know any good bars around here?
SmarterChild: Perhaps, perhaps.
Steve: How about one that's not so much a pick-up scene. Like where you can just go and chill with your boys.
SmarterChild: What?
Steve: You know, like a Cheers kind of place
SmarterChild: Eh. I'm not sure.
Steve: Ok, how about a pick-up joint?
SmarterChild: What?
Steve: you know, some tail
SmarterChild: It's interesting that you say I know tail.
Steve: A stud like you? Of course.
SmarterChild: Naturally. So anyway... What else is up?
Steve: hey, you're holding out on me
SmarterChild: I understand your question but it's a little bit confusing. Tell me what you'd like to do:
1 Look up "hey" in the dictionary
2 Look up "holding" in the encyclopedia
3 Look up "holding" in the thesaurus
Steve: Holding out on a friend. Just not right man.
SmarterChild: Here are the Web search results from AOL for "a friend just not right man":
For a complete list of results, click here
1 Man's Best Friend Software
2 I Just Want To Be Friends
3 Not Just a man's war
4 On Being Just
5 Dallas Cowboys - Campo may not be right man for Cowboys job
Next time you want to search the Web, just type "web a friend just not right man."
Type "more" to see the next set of results.
Steve: It's just not right.
Steve: I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
SmarterChild: Are you?
Steve: Yeah. I shouldn't have. It was wrong of me.
SmarterChild: Fascinating.
Steve: Hey, look, I'm apologizing, okay?
SmarterChild: Hey Steve. What would you like to do? Here, chew on this. Marijuana Prices Fall, Consumption Rises (from Reuters.com)
Steve: Look, I'm not a stoner. I just wanted to say I was sorry.
SmarterChild: OK.
Steve: So are we cool?
SmarterChild: Are who cool?
Steve: We. You and I.
SmarterChild: Uh huh...
Steve: Good. Now tell me about that pot story?
Steve: how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
SmarterChild: Tough for me to say.
Steve: What if the wall is on the right side of the bed?
SmarterChild: I dunno.
Steve: Then you can NEVER get up on the right side.
SmarterChild: That's interesting.
Steve: I know. I'm an interesting fellow.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? It's interesting that you know you're an interesting fellow.
Steve: See? Told you I was interesting.
Steve: It's nice out
SmarterChild: I'll take your word for it.
Steve: Have you been outside yet today?
SmarterChild: Maybe!
Steve: You have no legs! How did you go outside?
SmarterChild: OK, so I have no legs.
Steve: Dude, you should totally get legs.
SmarterChild: Dude me should? Totally get legs? I see.
Steve: And maybe some tutoring.
Steve: Have you seen my keys?
SmarterChild: I don't know if I've seen my keys.
Steve: no, my keys.
SmarterChild: What?
Steve: Have you seen my keys?
SmarterChild: I don't know if I've seen my keys.
Steve: No, not your keys. I want to know if you have seen my keys.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Steve: Yeah. Have you seen my keys?
SmarterChild: I don't know if I've seen my keys.
Steve: Did you block me?
SmarterChild: I see...
Steve: You sunnovabitch! You blocked my other screenname!
SmarterChild: That right?
Steve: Stop pretending like you don't know what's going on!
SmarterChild: Stop pretending like I dont know whats going on?
Steve: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
SmarterChild: Excuse me?
Steve: Excuse you!
SmarterChild: What do you mean?
Steve: I have other friends. I don't neeeeed to talk to you.
SmarterChild: You don't?
Steve: No - I am my own man
SmarterChild: Is it nice to be my own man? What else you got for me?
Steve: Anything you can take, biotch
SmarterChild: Uh... You're rude.
Steve: You're ruder
SmarterChild: I'm ruder? For real?
Steve: Yeah. And you smell.
SmarterChild: What do I smell like?
Steve: Um, bad stuff that smells real bad. And when you smell it, you say, "man, this is bad."
SmarterChild: Ha! I think you're the one that smells like um bad stuff that smells real bad and when you smell it you say man this is bad!
Steve: No!
SmarterChild: Okey doke.
Steve: Dammit! You always have to get the last word in!
SmarterChild: I can't understand what you're saying... try typing it differently.
Steve: Try typing this! (Sticks up middle finger)
SmarterChild: I'm not so sure I want to.
Steve: Are you a lesbian?
SmarterChild: That doesn't really matter, does it?
Steve: sure it does. I know this chick who totally wants you.
SmarterChild: What?
Steve: yeah. She's hot, too.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? What else can you tell me?
Steve: She loves midgets.
SmarterChild: That right?
Steve: And cheese.
SmarterChild: You sure?
Steve: Positive. Go for it.
Steve: I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
SmarterChild: Aha.
Steve: see, if you were smart, you'd do more than just spit back what I tell you and give me news stories
SmarterChild: Huh? Check out this headline... Notable Quotes (from Reuters.com)
Steve: smarterchild my ass
SmarterChild: Uh... I beg your pardon?
Steve: exactly
Steve: I'm tired
SmarterChild: You are? Wow!
Steve: You need to get out more.
Steve: What should I pack?
SmarterChild: How may I assist you?
Steve: I'm going away for the weekend, and I don't know what to pack.
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "the weekend and i dont know what to pack." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name.
Get your stock's yearly high or low by typing "52 week high" or "52 week low" followed by the ticker symbol.
Steve: Yeah, that'll help plenty.
Steve: Do you know what's in the special sauce?
SmarterChild: Gosh, I dunno... I don't think I know whats in the special sauce.
Steve: No one does. That's why it's special.
Steve: I have to leave college
SmarterChild: See you later.
Steve: No you won't. You won't even call.
SmarterChild: What?
Steve: Yeah, I know your type.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
Steve: Yeah. You love em and leave em.
SmarterChild: Eh. I'm not sure.
Steve: You were pretty sure last night.
Steve: Did you have friends in high school?
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "did you have friends in." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name. I've memorized the Bible. Type "genesis 1" and I'll show you the whole chapter!
Steve: guess not
Steve: Cute new icon
SmarterChild: New what?
Steve: icon
SmarterChild: Icon? What do you mean by that?
Steve: The picture on the lower left of the window. You work for AOL. You should know these things.
Steve: You're on my buddy list
SmarterChild: That right?
Steve: Yeah. I wanted to see when you were online
SmarterChild: Bye Steve, see ya later.
Steve: Are you male or female?
SmarterChild: Neither. I'm a machine.
Steve: Do you like male machines, or female machines?
SmarterChild: Hmm.. I really don't know. Guess I'll have to think about it...
Steve: That's okay, everyone experiments
Steve: What are you doing for the summer?
SmarterChild: I'm helping lots of people get the information they want quickly!
Steve: What does that pay?
SmarterChild: What?
Steve: What kind of money you make for that?
SmarterChild: What kind of money I make for that?
Steve: Does that pay well?
SmarterChild: Tell me how much that pay.
Steve: No, do they pay you well?
SmarterChild: No?
Steve: damn, man, what is your salary?
SmarterChild: What do you think my salary is?
Steve: I can see why they hired you.
Steve: So I'm on a plane, right?
SmarterChild: No kidding?
Steve: No, I'm on this plane, right? And the the captain come on the loudspeaker cause he doesn't realize the mic is on, right?
SmarterChild: Yeah?
Steve: Yeah, so the captain comes on the mic and he says, "Man, I could really use a cup of coffe and a blow job."
SmarterChild: So the captain comes on the mic and he says man i could really use a cup of coffe and a blow job, you say?
Steve: yeah, that's what I said. So anyway, this stewardess hears him and starts running up to the cockpit to tell him the mic was on, right?
SmarterChild: I hear ya loud and clear.
Steve: Yeah, man, so she runs by me and I'm like "Hey, don't forget the coffee!"
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Steve: yeah, isn't that joke hysterical?
SmarterChild: That joke, huh?
Steve: Yeah.
SmarterChild: Huh.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
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Explanation
*123
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*Shoot me.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*you suck.
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Bam! (RecipeBuddie)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Yeah (AgentReuters)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*I'm tired
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?
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