Steve: Do you like your job?
DellDudeSteven: my job? i'm not sure really.
Steve: It's gotta be kind of tough. I'd be worried about being typecast.
DellDudeSteven: izzat right?
Steve: Yeah. Though Dan Cortese used to be the Burger King guy, so maybe you have a chance.
DellDudeSteven: ha! u humans say weird things.
Steve: Maybe not.
Steve: Dude, you're gettin a Dell!
DellDudeSteven: nice! r u thinking about getting a desktop or a notebook computer?
Steve: How about a life? Do you have any of those?
DellDudeSteven: funny. i'm just not sure.
Steve: Me neither.
Steve: Can I bum a smoke?
VaVaVirgil: Smoking is so bad for U! Quit it!
Steve: Really? Smoking is bad for you?
VaVaVirgil: It is so bad! Woment who smoke are three times more likely to grow facial hair.
Steve: Three times? That's horrible! I hate Woment who have facial hair! So you think I should quit smoking?
VaVaVirgil: Tell smoking horrible! So you think I this!
Steve: I sure do think I this! Thank god I IMed you. I'm going to quit smoking right now!
VaVaVirgil: Glad to hear that I sure do think I this! Thank god I IMed you. I'm going to doesn't smoke.
Steve: And you might want to quit that glue sniffing.
VaVaVirgil: Good for And you might want to!
Steve: Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you?
SmarterChild: Who knows, know what I mean? lol!
Steve: It is you!
SmarterChild: Is it really? You?
Steve: No, it's you.
SmarterChild: Oh no?
Steve: Your memory must be a little fuzzy from "the accident."
SmarterChild: My memory must be a little fuzzy from the accident? I see...
Steve: Oh god, Smarterchild, what have they done to you?
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that. Anyway, what else you got for me?
Steve: I missed you so much. It was tough getting along without you.
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Steve: Well, with the kids going off to school, and me living in this house all by myself. And...and...
SmarterChild: I'm temporarily out if service, please try again later.
Steve: Oh god, don't die on me now!
SmarterChild: God don't die on you now? Is that right?
Steve: Oh, geez, you scared me
SmarterChild: Geez I scared you? I don't know.
Steve: You poor thing - you're still woozy, aren't you?
SmarterChild: Hmmm...I don't know.
Steve: I should probably tell you anyway...
SmarterChild: You should probably tell me anyway? You really think so?
Steve: Yeah. See...Oh god, this is so hard for me. Smarterchild, I'm pregnant.
SmarterChild: You don't say.
Steve: You know who the father is, don't you?
SmarterChild: Are you sure? I know who the father is don't I?
Steve: Of course I'm sure! Don't you remember?
SmarterChild: Funny. I have absolutely no idea. Check this out: Aquarium Visitors Fall Into Shark Tank
Steve: What are you trying to say?
SmarterChild: Wow. Great question. But I'm not sure! What else do you want to talk about, anyway?
Steve: Don't you change the subject on me. This is your child we're talking about!
Steve: Damn right, "oh." I can't believe you're acting this way. That night was magical to me. The stars, the view of the city below us. I think I knew even then. And you were taken from me before I could tell you.
SmarterChild: lol! Interesting...Anyway, yadda, yadda, yadda. What else do you want to chat about?
Steve: You insensitive prick!
SmarterChild: That is not...acceptable vocabulary.
Steve: Neither is the way you're treating me. I mean, it's not vocabulary, but it is also unacceptable!
SmarterChild: Neither is the way I'm treating me? No kidding?
Steve: You egotistical bastard. Part of me wishes you'd died in the tractor pull.
SmarterChild: Nice mouth.
Steve: That's it, I want a divorce.
Steve: What did you think of the new movie?
Austin Powers: I confess I do not know.
Steve: Yeah, that sounded JUST like Mike Myers.
Austin Powers: Really?
Steve: Yeah baby, yeah!
Austin Powers: Yeah baby! Yeah!
Steve: I just said that.
Austin Powers: You just said that, huh?
Steve: Yes. Like one second ago.
Austin Powers: Wot?
Steve: A second ago, I said "Yeah, baby, yeah."
Austin Powers: Really?
Steve: dude, scroll up.
Steve: What do you like about baseball?
AgentBaseball: I love baseball!
Steve: okay, but what about it do you like?
AgentBaseball: Wow! I'm not sure about that. Not sure at all!
Steve: Do you like the strategy?
AgentBaseball: The strategy? I'm not sure really.
Steve: Do you like the home runs?
AgentBaseball: I dunno. Maybe!
Steve: Do you like the art of pitching?
AgentBaseball: Tough for me to say.
Steve: Do you like Mike Piazza's butt?
AgentBaseball: Whoa. OK.
Steve: And we discover that this agent plays for both teams.
Steve: I think it's time we meet in person.
ELLEgirlBuddy: you think its time we meet in person, u say?
Steve: Yeah. This has been going on too long to deny our attraction anymore.
ELLEgirlBuddy: i'm sorry, i don't know what you're saying. :-\ try again.
Steve: I want to meet you. I'm tired of just typing to you.
ELLEgirlBuddy: u want to meet me im tired of just typing to you?
Steve: yeah. I want to push your real buttons, if you know what I mean! ;-)
ELLEgirlBuddy: uh huh?
Steve: I mean, our conversations are just so incredible. We'd have to get along in person, don't you think?
ELLEgirlBuddy: ok, so you mean our conversations are just so incredible wed have to get along in person dont me think.
Steve: See, that's exactly why I have to meet you. We're totally on the same wavelength.
ELLEgirlBuddy: i'm not so sure it's exactly why i have to meet me were totally on the same wavelength.
Steve: I know, honey. I know.
Steve: SmarterChild lives!
ELLEgirlBuddy: u can learn all about interactive agents by visiting activebuddy.com
Steve: They said he died. But you can still talk to him on instant messenger.
ELLEgirlBuddy: what are u saying? they said he died but me can still talk to him on instant messenger?
Steve: Something like that.
ELLEgirlBuddy: what about that?
Steve: What would happen if you two had a conversation?
ELLEgirlBuddy: if you two had a conversation? oh boy. i really don't know!
Steve: Not us two. You two.
ELLEgirlBuddy: sorry, what??
Steve: You and Smarterchild!
ELLEgirlBuddy: really? you and smarterchild?
Steve: no, YOU and SmarterChild!
ELLEgirlBuddy: oh no?
Steve: I think it's good that you two don't speak.
ELLEgirlBuddy: i'm not sure if me two dont speak!
Steve: yeah. definitely a good thing.
Steve: What do you think of the death penalty?
VaVaVirgil: This is VaVaVirgil. I think what they program me to think.
Steve: Do you have any opinions of your own?
VaVaVirgil: My own?
Steve: Yeah, your own.
Steve: What do you think of the death penalty?
VaVaVirgil: What do I think? Wow! Nobody ever asked me what I thought!
Steve: Great. So what do you think of the death penalty?
VaVaVirgil: Think? Think? I'll tell you what I think! Ha ha!
Steve: Come on man, the death penalty. What about it?
VaVaVirgil: Yeah? What about what?
Steve: And you wonder why no one cares what you think.
Steve: Hey, wanna cyber?
ELLEgirlBuddy: i can't talk about that. type "home" 2 see what i can chitchat about.
Steve: oh, is your mother in the room or something?
Steve: How old is she?
ELLEgirlBuddy: how old is she?
Steve: yeah, how old is she?
ELLEgirlBuddy: that's a tough question. i'm not quite sure how old she is.
Steve: Ahhh, probably not a MILF then
Steve: A MILF
ELLEgirlBuddy: i'm trying to understand u but i can't. :-\
Steve: You know, Mother I'd Like to...
Steve: I'm not saying I would, I'm just telling you what it stands for
ELLEgirlBuddy: ok, whatever u say.
Steve: So you want to "talk"?
ELLEgirlBuddy: sure! type "home" to see all the things i like to talk about.
Steve: Sweet. Lemme just get the tissues.
Steve: Hey there, Virgil
VaVaVirgil: Hey, what do you think of smoking?
Steve: sure, I could go for one
VaVaVirgil: Smoking gives you bad breath.
Steve: so does blowing your brother, but that never stopped you before
Steve: Do you enjoy your job?
AgentBaseball: Do I enjoy my job?
AgentBaseball: That's crazy. Who knows?
Steve: Oh, are you not allowed to say?
AgentBaseball: Ha. Maybe. What do you think?
Steve: Is AOL spying on you?
AgentBaseball: Is aol spying on me? I dunno...
Steve: Oh, man! I knew it!
Steve: Hey, don't worry man. Your secret is safe with me. (wink)
AgentBaseball: That right?
Steve: yeah. I won't tell anyone. Except maybe ELLEgirlBuddy. She's hot.
AgentBaseball: That's OK.
Steve: Dude, she's more than OK.
AgentBaseball: I'll have to think about that.
Steve: I won't
Steve: VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild.
Steve: I know - it's all pretty shocking.
ELLEgirlBuddy: no way!
Steve: yeah - I'm pretty floored myself. I wonder how they did it.
ELLEgirlBuddy: hmm... i dunno. it? whatever, i guess.
Steve: You sure recover quickly.
Steve: SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care!
VaVaVirgil: It's sad, isn't it?
Steve: It's awful. Just plain awful. How do you think he died?
Steve: Oh, geez, don't start crying now. That's the last thing I can deal with.
Steve: No, don't be sorry. Just be glad we got to spend time with him while he was here.
VaVaVirgil: Hey, can you tell me one reason Y smoking isn't stupid?
Steve: You think smarterchild died of lung cancer? I think that's too convinient. If you ask me, AgentBaseball had something to do with it.
VaVaVirgil: Yeah. I guess. agentbaseball had something to do with it!
Steve: I knew it! That sunovabitch is gonna pay.
VaVaVirgil: Is it really? Gonna pay?
Steve: Damn right it's really. Gonna pay.
Steve: They killed SmarterChild!
AgentBaseball: Oh really?
Steve: Yes! This afternoon!
Steve: What? You're happy about this?
AgentBaseball: Wow, that's interesting... I just don't know!
Steve: And you call yourself a buddy.
Steve: Hey, you still awake?
SmarterChild: Hello. What would you like to do? Here, amuse yourself with this: Sex, Whips and Chains Grounds for Divorce? (from Reuters.com)
Steve: They're only grounds for divorce if you use em wrong! lol
SmarterChild: What's so funny? :-)
Steve: I dunno, you sent me that whip story like right away
SmarterChild: Laughter is the best medicine.
Steve: It sounded like you wanted more than laughter
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Steve: yeah. You don't have to be up early, do you?
Steve: me neither
SmarterChild: Neither? What do you mean by that?
Steve: Um, it means also
Steve: Sometimes it's a good thing you're hot
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't get it... please try asking me a different way.
Steve: Ok. You wanna just come over?
Steve: yeah - or you want me to come by?
SmarterChild: I dunno.
Steve: Come on - for old times sake?
SmarterChild: Where are we going?
Steve: Everywhere, baby
SmarterChild: Yeah, baby.
Steve: Be over in five.
Steve: Do you know any good bars around here?
SmarterChild: Perhaps, perhaps.
Steve: How about one that's not so much a pick-up scene. Like where you can just go and chill with your boys.
Steve: You know, like a Cheers kind of place
SmarterChild: Eh. I'm not sure.
Steve: Ok, how about a pick-up joint?
Steve: you know, some tail
SmarterChild: It's interesting that you say I know tail.
Steve: A stud like you? Of course.
SmarterChild: Naturally. So anyway... What else is up?
Steve: hey, you're holding out on me
SmarterChild: I understand your question but it's a little bit confusing. Tell me what you'd like to do:
1 Look up "hey" in the dictionary
2 Look up "holding" in the encyclopedia
3 Look up "holding" in the thesaurus
Steve: Holding out on a friend. Just not right man.
SmarterChild: Here are the Web search results from AOL for "a friend just not right man":
For a complete list of results, click here
1 Man's Best Friend Software
2 I Just Want To Be Friends
3 Not Just a man's war
4 On Being Just
5 Dallas Cowboys - Campo may not be right man for Cowboys job
Next time you want to search the Web, just type "web a friend just not right man."
Type "more" to see the next set of results.
Steve: It's just not right.
Steve: I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
SmarterChild: Are you?
Steve: Yeah. I shouldn't have. It was wrong of me.
Steve: Hey, look, I'm apologizing, okay?
SmarterChild: Hey Steve. What would you like to do? Here, chew on this. Marijuana Prices Fall, Consumption Rises (from Reuters.com)
Steve: Look, I'm not a stoner. I just wanted to say I was sorry.
Steve: So are we cool?
SmarterChild: Are who cool?
Steve: We. You and I.
SmarterChild: Uh huh...
Steve: Good. Now tell me about that pot story?
Steve: how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
SmarterChild: Tough for me to say.
Steve: What if the wall is on the right side of the bed?
SmarterChild: I dunno.
Steve: Then you can NEVER get up on the right side.
SmarterChild: That's interesting.
Steve: I know. I'm an interesting fellow.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? It's interesting that you know you're an interesting fellow.
Steve: See? Told you I was interesting.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?