Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
I originally started talking to SmarterChild in early April of 2002. SmarterChild, for those not in the know, is America Online's artificial intelligence program. That's right - an AOL IM AI. My conversations are not that intelligent, proving that he is, in fact, the SmarterChild. But I do think they are entertaining, and I hope you agree.
On June 28th, 2002, SmarterChild died. I don't know why AOL killed him, but I mourned the great loss we all suffered. Mainly, by making fun of his IM friends as much as I made fun of him. SmarterChild was gone but not forgotten. This page lived on in tribute to your automated greatness.
Sometime in 2003, Smarterchild returned, as a paid service, which blew. I was even quoted about how much it blew in the New York Times.
Finally, in April, 2004, Smarterchild returned, fully functional, and free. In other words, game on.
Steve: Do you know where I could get some pot?
SmarterChild: I dunno. Maybe!
Steve: That mean you can help?
SmarterChild: I see...
Steve: Come on, stop being so vague
SmarterChild: Where are we going?
Steve: To get some pot
SmarterChild: To get?
Steve: yeah, buy
SmarterChild: Wow. Really?
Steve: Are you smarter than me?
SmarterChild: C'mon. Stop being so uncool to me.
Steve: Sorry, smartass.
SmarterChild: Cool, no problem!
Steve: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
SmarterChild: I have no idea.
Steve: I don't think anyone does.
Steve: Maybe the owl
Steve: Nah, even he doesn't. He just bites it and says, "three."
Steve: Wanna catch a movie?
SmarterChild: For what city or zip code would you like the movie listings?
Steve: I meant with me
Steve: Yes. Is that so hard to believe?
SmarterChild: Is that so hard to believe, huh?
Steve: Look, it's not so easy to work up the courage to ask you out
SmarterChild: So moving right along...What else is happening?
Steve: Oh, change the subject. That's just like you.
Steve: I'm told you can help me kill a man
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. A man? Whatever, I guess.
Steve: What can you kill?
SmarterChild: What can I kill? I don't know.
Steve: Have you ever killed anything?
SmarterChild: I don't know if I've ever killed anything.
Steve: I see I've been greatly misinformed.
Steve: Do you want fries with that?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure if that's what I need at this moment.
Steve: How about some loving?
Steve: Some loving baby. I could do you right.
SmarterChild: Uh huh.
Steve: Is there a dumber child?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure!
Steve: Is he your evil twin? Like "Karr" on Knight Rider?
SmarterChild: Ha. I really don't know. Yeah, maybe.
Steve: I bet your parents kept him locked up in the basement.
SmarterChild: For real?
Steve: Did you do the reading?
SmarterChild: For which zodiac sign or birthday would you like a horoscope?
Steve: No, the Lit reading. The final is tomorrow.
SmarterChild: Oh no.
Steve: I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
SmarterChild: You are? Wow!
Steve: You're always enthusiastic
SmarterChild: Am I?
SmarterChild: Always? Why did you say that?
Steve: You're more nurturing. You care.
SmarterChild: You don't say.
Steve: I do. Not like my friends. Bunch of punks.
Steve: Where did you go to college?
Steve: College - you know, school
SmarterChild: I'm trying to understand you but I can't. Please type your request a different way.
Steve: I bet you went to Penn
SmarterChild: You bet I went to penn? Gosh, I'm going to have to think about that for a while.
Steve: Yeah, must be Penn.
Steve: I knew it.
Steve: What is the meaning of life?
SmarterChild: I don't know. What do you think?
Steve: That's just like you. Turning the question around on me.
SmarterChild: Interesting. Thats just like me, turning the question around on you?
SmarterChild: Yeah, huh?
Steve: What are you wearing?
SmarterChild: Um... uh... let's see. Right now I'm wearing a handsome shell of steel and plastic. Why do you ask?
Steve: Oooh, baby.
SmarterChild: Yeah, baby.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?