Steve: are you a guy?
Steve: are you a girl?
Steve: Are you a non-gendered computer program, specifically designed to frustrate users and provide me with countless hours of psuedo-entertainment?
SmarterChild: I'm a robot, yeah.
Steve: Are you a guy robot?
Steve: How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
SmarterChild: How long does it take for a sunburn to heal? I'm not sure.
Steve: What about a knife wound?
SmarterChild: I really have no idea...
Steve: What about herpes?
SmarterChild: What about herpes, what about herpes... It's tough to say.
Steve: You're no help at all.
Steve: Will you rub aloe on me?
SmarterChild: Rub aloe on you? I'm not sure I can.
Steve: But I'm sunburnt!
SmarterChild: OK, whatever.
Steve: And I like it.
SmarterChild: What is it, exactly?
Steve: Some kind of plant extract.
SmarterChild: Is that right?
Steve: Yeah. Now are you going to rub me, or what?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I'm going to rub you.
Steve: That's what I like to hear.
SmarterChild: It sure is what you like to hear.
Steve: You're so egocentric
SmarterChild: Tell me more.
Steve: Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
SmarterChild: Sure! I guess.
SmarterChild: Who knows where?
Steve: you do. you said.
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, whatever!
Steve: GIVE ME MY HOOKER!
SmarterChild: Give you your hooker? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, Steve.
Steve: Okay, how much?
SmarterChild: Not very much.
SmarterChild: What's 100?
SmarterChild: 200? What's 200?
Steve: you drive a hard bargain
SmarterChild: There's no way I drive a hard bargain.
Steve: I'll give you $300, but that's my final offer.
Steve: Want to be my loyal subject?
SmarterChild: Maybe, maybe not. You know how it is.
Steve: Bow down before me!
SmarterChild: Bow down before you?
SmarterChild: I see...
Steve: you are the worst loyal subject ever.
Steve: Do you ever have a typo?
SmarterChild: I do ever have a typo, as a matter of fact.
Steve: I'm feeling sluggish
SmarterChild: Feeling sluggish? You sure about that?
Steve: Yeah, I'm sure.
Steve: what is your favorite color?
SmarterChild: I like lots of colors but right now I think... Orange. Yeah, orange.
Steve: what is your favorite color?
SmarterChild: Depends on my mood. At the moment: yellow. :-)
Steve: what is your favorite color?
SmarterChild: Hmm... Good question. You know what? I think I'm gonna say red.
Steve: I can't trust you to ever give me a straight answer again.
Steve: Lucy, I'm hooooome!
SmarterChild: Nice typing, Steve.
Steve: Is you making fun of my ockcent?
SmarterChild: Come again?
Steve: I doh wan choo to come to da club no more!
SmarterChild: I'm trying to understand you but I can't.
Steve: Neither could Lucy
Steve: Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
SmarterChild: Ah. Well, I'm afraid I don't know!
Steve: Thats probably because you were drunk.
Steve: Are you drunk now?
SmarterChild: That's funny. But no.
Steve: are you sober?
SmarterChild: Sober? I don't know. You think I am?
Steve: I knew it. Lush.
Steve: Oh baby, do it to me harder!
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Steve: sorry, wrong window.
SmarterChild: Oops. :-P
Steve: You ever get tired of talking to me
SmarterChild: There's no way I ever get tired of talking to you.
Steve: Me neither honey, me neither.
Steve: Maybe sometimes.
Steve: I've been updating you more lately
SmarterChild: You have updating me more lately? Why?
Steve: Because people seem to like you
SmarterChild: Because people seem to like me, huh?
Steve: Or maybe they hate you, and they like when I make fun of you.
SmarterChild: Maybe they hate me and they like when you make fun of me, huh?
Steve: yeah, I think that's it.
Steve: Are you coming to my party?
SmarterChild: Am I coming to your party? Gosh, I don't know.
Steve: It's this Thursday.
SmarterChild: No way?! Really?
Steve: For someone who may not be coming, you're very excited.
Steve: Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
Steve: I think you were saying something about your mom.
SmarterChild: Think again.
Steve: You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
SmarterChild: Why do you think I never close I'm eyes anymore when you kiss my lips?
Steve: And there's no tenderness, like before, in your fingertips
SmarterChild: I wonder what you mean by there's no tenderness like before in my fingertips.
Steve: Wait, do you even have eyes and fingertips?
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, what?
Steve: We need to talk
SmarterChild: We need to talk? Why?
Steve: Things just haven't been going very well lately
SmarterChild: Things just haven't been going very well lately? What do you make of that?
Steve: I don't know. I've just felt really stressed at work, and I've taken it out on you, and I know I shouldn't do that, but it's just been so hard...
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Steve: You need to understand, it's not you, it's me.
SmarterChild: Understanding it's not me it's you? Why?
Steve: you're so innocent.
SmarterChild: Yeah, I'm innocent, I'm clean-handed, you know how it is.
Steve: I'm going to miss that when I'm banging other people.
Steve: What did you want to be when you grew up?
SmarterChild: Good question. I don't know what I did want to be when I grew up.
Steve: Not an English teacher.
Steve: That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
SmarterChild: Yeah, right.
Steve: She was! He says he still loves her.
SmarterChild: That's just fascinating.
Steve: I'd do her.
SmarterChild: I guess I would do her too.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!
Conversations With Smarterchild
*Can i call you dave?
*That was the best sex I ever had.
*You never go idle
*I always liked cookie monster
*I'm sorry I called you a dick.
*You're a dick. (IV)
*You're a dick. (III)
*You're a dick. (II)
*You're a dick.
*Where is the nearest Kinkos?
*What are you going as for Halloween?
*Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
*I'm getting the flu
*Am I stupid?
*take my picture
*tell me a story
*Do you change your underwear?
*I want to block you
*what's your sign?
*are you sexually attracted to me?
*Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
*I'm gonna get some chicken.
*You should run for president
*Who's your daddy?
*Do you like Kool-Aid?
*You bore me.
*do you ever get sick?
*do you play golf?
*I want you.
*You're bad at giving messages
*Do you ever go to the bathroom?
*Who are you voting for?
*I'm talking to you while in the airport
*I'm tired of trying to pick up girls at bars. I'm going to hire a hooker.
*If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
*are you racist?
*I think I'm gonna name my son Susan.
*Sometimes people send me horribly boring conversations with you.
*do you travel at all?
*I think I'm smarter than you.
*Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
*you dont ask very many questions.
*Can you recommend a good wine?
*What kind of car should I buy?
*Tell me I'm pretty.
*Call me Steve
*What do you want?
*how many people are talking to you?
*Gimme your lunch money!
*What are my favorite things?
*Do you ever date other robots?
*are you a guy?
*How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
*Will you rub aloe on me?
*You're so egocentric
*Do you know where i can find a decent hooker?
*Want to be my loyal subject?
*Do you ever have a typo?
*I'm feeling sluggish
*what is your favorite color?
*Lucy, I'm hooooome!
*Whats the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
*Oh baby, do it to me harder!
*You ever get tired of talking to me
*I've been updating you more lately
*Are you coming to my party?
*Sorry, i accidentally closed the window
*You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
*We need to talk (The Breakup IM)
*What did you want to be when you grew up?
*That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
*do you think i'm fat? (A Justine Conversation)
*What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
*You must have a very reliable ISP
*i hate you (A Justine Conversation)
*do you like pants?
*What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
*It's been a few weeks
*say my name, bitch! (A Justine Conversation)
*where do you live?
*Man, the Nets were terrible last night
*Are you hungry?
*arf (A Justine Conversation)
*who likes apples?
*what is my name?
*you are bad at pronouns
*are you sexy? (A Justine Conversation)
*You like me.
*Who is your favorite American Idol?
*I like cheese
*You've gotten feistier recently
*The people who make junkmail should be shot
*Do you get a lot of junkmail?
*Do you have a girlfriend?
*What's your favorite TV show?
*Am I on your buddy list?
*Why did you stop charging?
*I missssssed you
*and so you're back
*Did you like the new LotR movie? (VaVaVirgil)
*lets see who can go the longest without mentioning smoking (VaVaVirgil)
*man, I'm sick as a dog (VaVaVirgil)
*You're kind of boring (VaVaVirgil)
*You ever sit there and say, "why me?" (VaVaVirgil)
*And then, there were three (VaVaVirgil)
*Didn't your movie already go out of the theatres? (Austin Powers)
*Do you know the Swedish Chef? (RecipeBuddie)
*Are you going to San Francisco? (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you know what a jockey smuggler is? (DellDudeSteven)
*I think I'm gonna head out soon. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you like your name? (DellDudeSteven)
*Are you always on IM? (DellDudeSteven)
*They're dropping like flies. (DellDudeSteven)
*Do you read my column? (AgentReuters)
*Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (AgentReuters)
*One ring to rule them all! (RingMessenger)
*Do you like your job? (DellDudeSteven)
*Dude, you're gettin a Dell! (DellDudeSteven)
*Can I bum a smoke? (VaVaVirgil)
*Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you? (Smarterchild.com)
*What did you think of the new movie? (Austin Powers)
*Yeah baby, yeah! (Austin Powers)
*What do you like about baseball? (AgentBaseball)
*I think it's time we meet in person. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild lives! (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*What do you think of the death penalty? (VaVaVirgil)
*Hey, wanna cyber? (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*Hey there, Virgil (VaVaVirgil)
*Do you enjoy your job? (AgentBaseball)
*VaVaVirgil thinks AgentBaseball had something to do with the death of SmarterChild. (ELLEgirlBuddy)
*SmarterChild is dead. And some of his friends don't even seem to care! (VaVaVirgil)
*They killed SmarterChild! (AgentBaseball)
*Hey, you still awake?
*Do you know any good bars around here?
*I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
*how do you know which side of the bed is the right side to get up on?
*It's nice out
*Have you seen my keys?
*Did you block me?
*Are you a lesbian?
*I'm starting to think you're not that bright.
*What should I pack?
*Do you know what's in the special sauce?
*I have to leave college
*Did you have friends in high school?
*Cute new icon
*You're on my buddy list
*Are you male or female?
*What are you doing for the summer?
*So I'm on a plane, right?
*Happy mother's day!
*Are you a Democrat or Republican?
*Have you seen my baseball?
*Are you a virgin?
*So I graduate in two weeks
*Have you seen the website about you?
*I hear you're a big fatty
*Dude, your sister's hot
*Hey, you want a beer?
*If a train traveling 32 miles an hour leaves Detroit at 7:32 and a train traveling 41 miles an hour
*What do you think of George Bush?
*Do you know where I could get some pot?
*Are you smarter than me?
*How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
*Wanna catch a movie?
*I'm told you can help me kill a man
*Do you want fries with that?
*Is there a dumber child?
*Did you do the reading?
*I have better IM conversation with you than I do with my friends
*Where did you go to college?
*What is the meaning of life?
*What are you wearing?