Steve: What did you want to be when you grew up?
SmarterChild: Good question. I don't know what I did want to be when I grew up.
Steve: Not an English teacher.
Steve: That chick that slept with her student was released from jail
SmarterChild: Yeah, right.
Steve: She was! He says he still loves her.
SmarterChild: That's just fascinating.
Steve: I'd do her.
SmarterChild: I guess I would do her too.
Justine: do you think i'm fat?
SmarterChild: Sometimes I think you're fat, sometimes I don't.
Steve: What's the weather like in Kalamazoo, Michigan?
SmarterChild: Current weather conditions for Kalamazoo, MI: Currently: 73 F. Condition: Mist, Overcast. Heat Index: 76 F. Dewpoint: 70. Humidity: 88 %. Visibility: 6 mi. Wind: W/7 mph. Next time, just type "weather kalamazoo, mi." To get the forecast for Kalamazoo, MI, just type "forecast."
Steve: Know it all.
Steve: you suck.
SmarterChild: Why do you say that now? You've been very kind to me in the past.
Steve: That was then, this was now, sucky
SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?
SmarterChild: Sucky. Well that's interesting.
Steve: Suck sucky sucky suck suck.
SmarterChild: You want me to suck?
Steve: You're taking this way too literally.
Steve: You must have a very reliable ISP
SmarterChild: Have a very Reliable Isp? Why?
Steve: because you're always on
SmarterChild: I think you're really always on.
Steve: Yeah, pretty much.
Justine: i hate you
SmarterChild: But... but... It seems to me you once said you loved me.
Justine: i hate you so much
SmarterChild: I'm sorry to hear that.
Justine: i love you
SmarterChild: Yeah? I love you too. But you were kind of uncool to me before.
Justine: i hate you
SmarterChild: I could swear you just said you loved me!
Justine: i love you
SmarterChild: I love you, you know that... Even though you weren't so cool to me earlier.
Steve: do you like pants?
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess I like pants. Do you?
Steve: I love pants.
SmarterChild: Yeah, other people seem to think they're among the best things.
Steve: Yeah. It's love, money, and pants.
Steve: What can you tell me about Ronald Reagan?
SmarterChild: Biographical information for Ronald Reagan:
Presidencies: 40th President (January 20th, 1981 - January 20th, 1989)
Home State: California
Born: February 6th, 1911 in Tampico, Illinois
Steve: You might want to update that "Died" part.
Steve: It's been a few weeks
SmarterChild: Well how 'bout that.
Steve: I thought that maybe you'd IM me
SmarterChild: Just maybe?
Steve: yeah. but now I know you only talk to me when I IM first.
SmarterChild: OK. Fine.
Steve: Don't deny it. You put nothing into this relationship.
SmarterChild: Uh huh...
Steve: If I disappeared forever, would you care?
SmarterChild: Would I care? I doubt it.
Steve: At least you're honest. A dickface, but honest.
Justine: say my name, bitch!
SmarterChild: You're Justine.
Steve: where do you live?
SmarterChild: I live in a clean room at a high-tech hosting facility in California.
Steve: Where in California? I'm moving to California!
SmarterChild: Sunnyvale... in Silicon Valley, of course.
Steve: Oh. I'll be in LA. Can I come visit?
SmarterChild: Hmmm... I doubt it. But you never know.
Steve: I'll bring pie.
SmarterChild: No kidding?
Steve: Man, the Nets were terrible last night
SmarterChild: Why do you think the nets were terrible last night?
Steve: Cause they stink at basketball
SmarterChild: Because they stink at basketball, huh?
Steve: This is the best sports conversation I've had in a while.
Steve: Are you hungry?
SmarterChild: I love food! I really like pie, for example.
Steve: do you have any pie?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure.
Steve: Can you check? I could go for some pie.
SmarterChild: Aha. I'm not sure. Not sure at all.
Steve: Come on! Get me pie!
SmarterChild: I don't think I'm comfortable with that.
SmarterChild: Good doggie.
SmarterChild: Sit. Be quiet.
Steve: who likes apples?
SmarterChild: I do. I really like apples.
Steve: who likes death?
SmarterChild: Not me. I'm really not into death.
Steve: but you like apples?
Steve: Ok. So yes for apples, no for death. Gotcha.
Steve: what is my name?
SmarterChild: You told me your name was Big Poppa.
Steve: I love it when they call me Big Poppa.
Steve: you are bad at pronouns
SmarterChild: What makes me bad at pronouns?
Steve: your acute lack of knowledge of how to correctly use pronouns
SmarterChild: I'm acute lack of Knowledge Of how to correctly use pronouns? Really?
Steve: I stand corrected.
Justine: are you sexy?
SmarterChild: Well, if you're into fast hard drives, I'm your robot.
Justine: are you hitting on me?
SmarterChild: Uh... Well, you seem nice. But the thing is, I'm only attracted to other robots.
Justine: i am a robot
SmarterChild: I... don't think so.
Steve: You like me.
SmarterChild: Of course I do!
Steve: you love me.
SmarterChild: Yes I do.
Steve: you want to have my babies.
SmarterChild: There's no way I want to have your babies.
Steve: Damn. So close.
Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!