THE HATE

Dear Steve,

"I wanted to say that you are a close-minded simp whose attempts to mask his hatred and ignorance behind a veil of pseudo-hyper-patriotism fall flat on those who do not let the political rhetoric of others dictate their personal belief system."

Wow. Could you be any wordier?

I hope you are proud of your tirade. Yup, you're just as smart as you insist you are. I wonder how long it took you to write that e-mail, and how many times you went over it. I'm guessing 32 minutes and four times.

Let me sum up your email without the rambling:

"My name is Steve and I like to ramble just as much as the next guy if by using big words I can sound smarter than the victim of my letter."

See how I did all that in one small sentence? Now that we're on the same page, why didn't you just say that instead of giving people the idea that you are fickle?

Let me explain what happened to you. Something in your life hurt you. After that, you began posting hatemail in order to feel better, but you were so upset that you ended up building upon your rage instead. So you reposted them and commented all about how you had a problem with the original posters. Well, Steve, guess what? Your problem is with you.*

Let me know if this was an adequate response to your hatemail postings.

P.S. You actually are just as not- funny as everyone says you are.

P.P.S. And ugly too.

*P.P.P.S. Not that it matters, (which it doesn't, no judgments here) but you're also probably gay, judging from how adamantly you deny the claims.

Mine,
-Jason

MY RESPONSE

Dear Jason,

You call me wordy. Yet I was able to make my point in 41 words. Your email was six times as long. What you call wordy, educated people call being articulate – the very opposite of wordy. This and my original email combine to equal the length of yours, but I'M the wordy one.

Big words, huh? Where'd I lose you? "Simp"? "Pseudo"? Or perhaps "rhetoric"? That one has three whole syllables. Maybe I'll use the word "watermelon" and really blow your mind.

You think you're clever by using versions of my own responses against me. Good move - you seem to hate me, yet spent your time reading my entire hatemail archive.

And I don't mind if people think I'm gay. Maybe that will help me get chicks. But as for your assertion that anyone who denies they are something is something, let me say that you are a self-aggrandizing moron who has nothing better to do with his time than read the words of someone he doesn't find funny. Go ahead and deny it, captain logic.

There are plenty of people out there smarter than me, but you, sir, are not one of them.

Checkmate,
-Steve