THE HATE

Dear Steve Hofstetter,

I’m a bit confused as to what you were trying to accomplish by posting all that hatemail on your website. If you were trying to show off your acerbic wit in your responses, you failed miserably. From the mail I’ve read so far, your responses fall under three categories (or some combination thereof), all of which further my antipathy towards you. First, you go after grammatical errors. Correcting someone else’s grammar and spelling is not only unfunny, but it comes off as condescending, which might explain why the heading of so many emails you receive is “your a douchbag!!1111” Second, you point out logical inconsistencies and attempt to somehow turn them against the person. This could, in theory, yield humorous results, but all of your attempts pretty much fall flat. Third, when someone writes a racist or homophobic remark you feel the need to label them as such, as though it wasn’t obvious in the original comment. Such comments I find to be remarkably clumsy and unsubtle from a comedian who’s attained a quasi-celebrity status. Ironically, the hatemail on your website is what I found myself laughing at, not your uninspired responses. By the time I finished reading the hatemail and your subsequent responses, I actually found myself siding with the haters more than with you. The original purpose of the section -- which I assume it to get people to think you’re funny and make those who hate you out to be ignorant rubes – was completely inverted. You didn’t make yourself out to be the witty comic you claim to be, only a pompous asshole with nothing better to do than make fun of someone who misses the “e” in “hatemail.” Maybe it would be more effective if you simply posted all the hatemail and let readers find the humor in it themselves.

Yours,
Anon.

MY RESPONSE

Dear Anon,

I hope you are proud of your tirade. I'm sure you are, because you CCed yourself on it so that you could save a copy. Smart guy - so smart that you signed your email "anon" but wrote it from your e-mail account that clearly states your name is Jeff Julian. Yup, you're just as smart as you insist you are. I wonder how long it took you to write that e-mail, and how many times you went over it. I’m guessing 53 minutes and seven times.

Let me sum up your email without the rambling. You have three issues with my responses to hatemail: 1) Making fun of people for their poor use of the English language. 2) Making fun of people for being illogical. 3) Making fun of people for being racist or homophobic.

See how I did all that in one small paragraph? Now that we’re on the same page, I dare you to defend any of these practices. You can’t, can you?

Let me explain what happened to you tonight. Something in your life, independent of my comedy, angered you. After that, you began reading my hatemail in order to feel better, but you were so upset that you ended up building upon your rage instead. So you sent me an email that was all about how you had a problem with me. Well, Anon, guess what? Your problem is with you.

Let me know if this was an adequate response to your hatemail.

Mine,
-Steve