THE HATE

Dear Steve, You are easily the most annoying person on MySpace. Worse than the guidos and guidettes. Worse than the "thugs." You just suck. Never once have I heard you say something funny. I've watched some videos and I've read some articles you wrote. They just aren't funny. Nice attempt at trying to knock down that redneck btw. I agree, he's just funny looking, not actually funny. You alike though, are not funny too. To make things worse you're not even funny looking. You are just a failed attempt at being a comedian. Consider accounting. My friend told me a funnier story about a shit he took once. Anyway, I recently started writing my stand-up material. Within a few years (probably months) I hope to run into you and remind you once more how much you suck at comedy. Stop asking...begging people to show up to your shows for free. I'm more interested about reading this fat amateur wrestler's posts about how much azz he whooped on stage lately.

Sincerely, Brian

P.S. If you could find a way to remove me from your friends list, that would be great.

Later

MY RESPONSE

Brian-

In the kindest way I can, let me explain that being a comedian is not the same as being an asshole. You can't simply give someone a wedgie and expect a high-five. This may be how you've gotten laughs thus far, but if you are actually planning on setting foot on a stage, I urge you to reconsider your personality.

And part of being a successful comedian is doing things like giving free tickets to your fans, or being smart enough to know how to work MySpace.

Best of luck at that open mic,
-Steve